Hey.

It has been 4 months since the last time I posted—though I thought it'd be the last time I ever wrote for you but look at me now about to post something after all this time. 

But don't worry, this will be the last time—I promise.

I told you before, I am grateful that I met you. You made me happy somehow that I couldn't even explain—even to just read all of your chats when you were explaining to me about biology or anything that I didn't know well and that I didn't care about it that much. But because of you, I tried to understand you more through this time.

You have affected my life so much in a good way. You might never gonna realize this if I didn't tell you. Thanks to you.

I learned a lot about things I didn't know before from you. I experienced things I never get to experienced before—watching movies together in spite of our location that is far away from each other, became a great music buddy I have ever had, etc. Again, thanks to you.

This is my fault to mistook all of your intentions. It was clearly my fault that I like you more than friends and It was also my fault that I confessed to you.

Maybe I shouldn't.

—

When that time I decided to check on you after 3 months, it was purely because I was concern about you as someone I care about—as my friends. But also, at that time, I'm experiencing major depression that when we talked again, I felt slightly better.

I thought you can cure me. But again, I was wrong. I realized that after we rarely talk and I felt things ain't how it used to be, the way you responded to me—all I was trying to be is a friend because I cherish us—too much.

But I am only a human. I have heart and feelings. When it comes to you, I will never be completely happy though I am happy; having you around me. But I guess happiness won't last—Because a little bit of my heart always wanting more—I expect more things and this is clearly my fault.

I am tired of fighting alone in any kind of relationship. I tried to keep this friendship but I am getting tired of cherishing something when others don't want the same. It feels like talking to a wall, useless.

Why you, though? 

Why? 

You're just a temperamental teenager. You have so many emotions though sometimes you can be wise. But, you are a kid. I must be crazy but then again, a heart can't lie.

You were always stern of your feelings towards me since the beginning—I was too oblivious to see it or that I thought maybe just maybe things are gonna change that you can finally see me the way I always see you. 

Now, I slowly realized, we don't deserve each other.